Edinburgh and the Haggis Tour

There is a lot to catch everyone up on, so I would suggest making a cup of tea and getting a couple of biscuits to sustain yourself for the next few hours! I guess I should start at the beginning: leaving Newcastle.

So, on the 1st June I was due to check out of the Albatross Hostel in Newcastle and catch the train up to Edinburgh. I checked out and left my stuff in the office and headed out into Newcastle. I wasn't catching the train until 12:00, so I had a bit of time to waste.

I hadn't taken many photos in Newcastle, so I thought I would spend some time doing that until I was due to catch the train. Unfortunately it was raining. However, I was determined to take at least a couple of photos, so I wandered around in the rain. I managed a few photos before the rain soaked completely through my clothes and I was freezing, so I headed back to the hostel and hung around in the lounge area and attempted to dry off.

I didn't have a map of Edinburgh, so I wasn't positive how I was going to get to my hostel when I arrived, but I thought I would be able to pick up a Scotland guide book at the Newcastle train station. Surprisingly I couldn't find one, but assumed I would be able to get one once I got into Edinburgh.

I was quite sad to leave Newcastle. I'd really enjoyed my time in the city and had felt quite comfortable there. It was nice being based in one place for a week and being able to do some things off the beaten track and not just all the touristy sites.

The train was quick (only an hour and a half) and the scenery was beautiful. Most of the train line is right along the coast. When I arrived in Edinburgh I tried to find a map at the train station, but wasn't able to find one. Luckily, outside the station was a small info centre and I grabbed a map there and headed to my hostel. It was raining quite hard in Edinburgh, so I was absolutely soaked through by the time I reached the hostel.

It was quite a nice hostel and literally across the road from the Haggis office, which was convenient for the following morning. When I was checking in I discovered that the hostel I was staying at had long-term storage, so that night I decided to go through my backpack and pull out anything I didn't absolutely need and then store it for the duration of my tour. It was fantastic. My backpack has never been that light before!

Before I start writing about the tour, I should say that I am going to write what I can remember. I have forgotten a lot of place names and we saw so many things and did so much in such a short space of time that I will never be able to remember it all. Hopefully though you will still get the idea of how much we did in a 5 day tour.

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Day 1 of Haggis Tour

Obviously, I was up early in the morning to head out on my 5 day Haggis Compass Buster tour. I checked in and had a little while to wait before the bus arrived. There seemed to be quite a lot of different tours leaving that morning, but I managed to find a couple of other people who were going on the same tour. One person, Elizabeth, and I headed across the road to have a quick breakfast before we headed off. It was nice to have a familiar face for when the tour started.

Not long after, our bus turned up and we all hopped on. It was a mini-coach, so it only seats 28. We were introduced to our driver/guide Kenny a Scot who promised he would try to talk slowly and clearly so we could all understand him and would attempt to keep the swearing to a minimum! Right from the start I knew this was going to be an entertaining tour! Kenny reminds me a lot of Uncle John and Pop (the next is said with love, so don't get offended you two) - I'm sure half of what he says is bullshit, he loves to tell very bad jokes, is an amazing storyteller and seems to know just about everybody wherever you go! He also informed us right from the start that if a Scotsman isn't poking fun at you, he obviously doesn't like you. I got the feeling from this statement that we would be getting a lot of shit from him (not that I'm not used to it at home!). It's obviously something Aussies have picked up from the Scots.

We were introduced to Scottish seating rules, which seem to consist of taking someone else's seat if they get up and Kenny insisted that this be done every time we stop. That was going to be entertaining. We were given the safety lecture, which was mainly: break all the windows and save the driver.

When he went through the list of people on the bus to check that everyone was there, those of us with Scottish surnames got 'bonus points'! These bonus points could be used if we were running late for the bus so we wouldn't get left behind. Always a good thing to have!

We were also introduced to the frisbee, which can be used to carry 2 pints, as a dinner plate, as entertainment, the list goes on.

It seemed that our bus was going in the opposite direction to the way the tour was described. We weren't informed of this, but we figured it out pretty quickly when we were told we would be staying at Loch Ness for the first night, and Loch Ness should have been our last night. Oh well, I don't think anyone was particularly bothered.

We headed out of Edinburgh and our first quick stop was at Queensferry to see the Forth Bridge. On the way to the bridge, Kenny told us the story of Queensferry, which received its name from Queen Margaret. Many pilgrims needed to cross the Firth of Forth to reach St Andrews, but as the span was too great, would have to journey to Stirling before they were able to cross over, which added a good couple of weeks to the journey. Now, everyone was scared of the King, so they approached the Queen (she had him wrapped around her finger - at least as Kenny's version says), who convinced her husband to have a boat available for the pilgrims to use to cross the span. And therefore, the town became Queensferry. Now, of course there are bridges, one of which is the Forth Bridge. The bridge is hard to describe, so I will attempt to get some photos up soon, but to say the least it is very impressive.

After the bridge we headed onwards to Pitlochry - Kenny had left his mobile phone at his Mum's house the night before and so we had to make a quick stop to pick it up.

On the way we were informed that each of us would be going up to the front of the bus, taking the microphone in hand and spending 60 secs telling everyone about ourselves and then picking the next poor sap to have their turn and we would then have to take their seat (forcing us to move around the bus and sit next to different people). As you can imagine, I was not particularly happy to hear this, but I wasn't overly surprised, as most tour groups have to do this at one point. However, to make it worse we had to include a joke, a song or an embarrassing story about ourselves and if we didn't Kenny would devise something for us to do! That was a prospect I wasn't looking forward to, so I was racking my brain trying to think of something I could say that was slightly embarrassing, but not humiliating! I had to go relatively early on, because Elizabeth had been chosen and then she picked me as I was the only person she'd really talked to. Oh well, at least I got it over and done with early and wasn't stressing all day.

Obviously I told everyone about being an Archaeologist and my embarrassing thing was my fascination with Roman Latrines. That got a bit of a laugh as I'm sure you can imagine and also earned me the nickname 'toilet sniffer' from Kenny - most people on the bus earned themselves a nickname. So I had to put up with that one for the rest of the trip. It wasn't too bad, I didn't get called it all that often. To say the least, none of the other people on the bus forgot who I was!

There were 27 of us on the tour and the majority of people were Aussies - pretty common on tours in the UK - but there a few people from New Zealand, America, some from Canada (half of whom were French Canadian), China, Taiwan, one girl from England and one from France. It was a great mix of people.

As we were driving near St Andrews a fighter jet went over the bus very low. It was really cool! Kenny told us that he has a friend who is a fighter pilot who once told him that for their targeting practice, the pilots use the bright yellow Haggis buses to lock onto!

Along the way we stopped to have a look at Dunkeld Cathedral. Half of the cathedral is without a roof, but it is amazing and situated in the most gorgeous spot on the edge of the River Tay. There were some people fly fishing on the river, so we stopped to watch for a while and attempt to get a good photo of the line in the air.

After everyone had their turn embarrassing themselves at the front of the bus we were at Kenny's Mum's house. It was absolutely gorgeous and looked like it was in the middle of being renovated. Certainly the sort of house I would love to own.

As the house is situated on a narrow, winding road (all Scottish roads seem to be narrow and winding!), there was nowhere to park out the front, so Kenny had to get the coach through the gate and down the driveway, which was entertaining and took a hell of a lot of skill, and probably a bit of luck. Then of course he had to reverse it most of the way out again. He was less scared of damaging the bus and more scared of damaging his mother's plants! It was the first of many diversions from the tour schedule (even though I don't know that we had much of a schedule).

As we left his Mum's house, Kenny told us about his favourite pub - the Moulin - which was around the corner and that it had been voted best pub in Scotland in 2006 and 2007. The local beer is brewed literally across the road and walked over to the pub. So, he seemed to decide 'what the hell' and we stopped for a quick half pint of the local beer. As I said, many diversions from the schedule, but it was fun and yes I did have a half pint of the Braveheart. I know, I bet you're all so proud of me! :p

We headed onwards and to encourage the on bus mingling, every 30 secs Kenny would declare 'move' and we would be forced to switch seats to speak to someone we hadn't spoken to yet. I tell you, he kept us on our toes.

Along the way Kenny pointed out Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in the British Isles, and informed us that Scotland is the only place where more people die on their mountains than on their roads, and that is because of Ben Nevis (the venomous one) and its extreme weather patterns. Apparently the climbing equipment company 'The North Face' is named after the north face of Ben Nevis, because anything that can survive the north face of Ben Nevis can withstand anything anywhere in the world.

We stopped for lunch in a small town but I have no idea what the name of it is. They had haggis on the menu and a few people did order it. I can say with complete truth that I tried Haggis! Don't act so shocked you lot. It tasted ok, sort of like meatloaf.

Our final destination for the night was Fort Augustus on Loch Ness. On the way Kenny insisted on forcing us to learn the names of the four lochs in the Great Glen. We had to repeat them over and over and then he would call out a number and we would have to shout back the corresponding loch and if he spotted someone who didn't play along, they would earn a lovely nickname. They are: Loch Linnhe, Loch Lochy, Loch Oich and finally Loch Ness. I doubt I will ever forget them now! As he said, we've more than likely forgotten something to store this bit of useless information in our heads!

Before we reached the hostel at Fort Augustus we stopped at The Clansman Centre to watch a re-enactment of traditional Scottish life. I was rather wary of this, as re-enactments have a habit of being tacky, but this one was actually pretty good. They have built a replica of a traditional black house ('black' because the interior would have been covered with black soot from the peat that was burned to heat the house) and we were informed of the lives of the Scots - from the clothing to the food and the weapons. To make it more interesting, 2 'volunteers' were chosen to be dressed in traditional Scottish clothing. I say volunteer, but I mean that Kenny picked who the 'volunteers' were going to be. He chose Big Yin and the Vegetarian - I'm guessing at this point you can identify a couple of other people with nicknames. Big Yin was a guy called Kris who was 6'8" and the Vegetarian was a girl on the bus called Sherry who was the lone vegetarian.

It was entertaining, because we watched as a plaid was folded to create the pleats in the back of the kilt and the different ways it could be draped over the chest. I think Big Yin developed quite a taste for posing for the cameras - we got a few good Braveheart poses out of him. I should mention that he had to strip down to his underwear to dress in the plaid!

Sherry was less pleased about being dressed up, particularly once she discovered that the fashion for women was to make their buts look as big as possible! Those of us not being dressed up found it highly entertaining and we made sure to get some good photos of the whole thing.

After the Clansman Centre we made another stop which was at Loch Ness and we were informed by Kenny that we had to get at least our feet wet or we wouldn't be allowed back on the bus and would have to walk to the hostel. These threats became pretty common during our 5 day trip. No one was quite brave enough to not do what we were told, so I guess I'll never know if he would have carried through with his threat - he certainly seemed earnest enough. I didn't mind getting my feet wet and of course had to have a photo taken of me standing in Loch Ness.

So, we headed up to the hostel. Just before the hostel was an old stone bridge. Kenny informed us that the bridge being old and small couldn't support the weight of the bus with everyone on board so we had to hop off and walk across the bridge and then he drove across and we hopped back on again. The hostel was only about 30 secs further down the road.

We checked into the hostel and had a quick dinner, as we were heading back down to Loch Ness for a boat ride that night. The boat trip was great. The loch was lovely and calm and it wasn't all that cold, so we could stand outside. On the bottom level were a couple of flat screens with sonar images of the loch displayed on them. We listened to a talk from a Scotsman in a kilt about the scanning of the loch using sonar and the types of images that were displayed and that over the years there had been a number of objects detected that were too large to be fish but couldn't be identified. He also said that he has had a sighting of the Loch Ness monster. Ooooooooo. It's all very intriguing as to whether or not something/s exist in the loch.

After the boat trip some people went on to a pub and some of us went back to the hostel for an early night.

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Day 2

I'd forgotten what it was like having to be up, packed, fed and onto the bus at a certain time. It all comes rushing back pretty fast though.

We left the hostel at 8:30 (in my opinion much too early in the morning) and were heading for Ullapool. Amy (Sick Puppy), a girl from Adelaide who'd been in the same room as me the night before, was very sick and had gotten worse over the last 24 hours, so Kenny was going to drop her off at a hospital at Inverness to see a doc and try to pick her back up again later in the day.

We headed away from the hostel and we were all expecting him to stop for the stone bridge, but he didn't, just went sailing straight over the top. Asshole had been pulling our legs the whole time. He thought it was entertaining!

Our first stop for the day was the bridge that had inspired the tale of Brigadoon. The bridge is absolutely gorgeous and we jumped off the bus for a quick photo. Kenny warned us about how dangerous the road was around there, so we really shouldn't stand in the middle of the road to take photos. The road is frequented by logging trucks and leading up to the bridge is a blind corner and when the trucks come round they don't have enough time to stop if someone is in the middle of the road. He told us about a tour he did a couple of years ago and a girl who ignored his warning and stood in the middle of the road to take a photo of the bridge and of course a truck came flying around the corner and he had to just about rugby tackle her off the road seconds before the truck came through. As you can imagine, we were all pretty careful crossing that road.

We continued onwards to a town that is full of Loch Ness visitor centres and gift shops. We stopped at one particular gift shop to enjoy the tackiness. I have to say, it did have every kind of crappy gift you could possibly want relating to Loch Ness. It was tack-tastic! They even had a large, plastic Nessy out the front of the shop that you could have your photo taken on.

We had a specific time we needed to be back on the bus. All but 4 were on time. Kenny had a torturous task for the 4 late people to complete before they could get back onto the bus. They had to pretend to be hairy coos (hairy highland cows), use their fingers to represent horns on either side of their head and run around the bus mooing. It was hilarious because it wasn't happening to me!

Kenny promised that each time someone was late they would have to do the same thing, but each time there would be another animal as well as the hairy coo. So, they would have to do 2 or 3 or even 4 trips around the bus.

From the tackiness of the Loch Ness hub we headed to Urquhart castle. We weren't going to go into the castle, we were just going to take photos from outside. It costs 5 pounds to go inside, which Kenny believes is a rip-off, and as it is a ruined castle there isn't much more to see from the inside than there was from the outside. So, he was going to roar into the car park and we had to jump out and had 30 secs to grab a quick photo and then leap back onto the bus before the manager of the castle caught sight of us! Apparently Kenny does this often and gets into shit from the castle manager.

It certainly added to the excitement of the whole experience.

We headed on to Inverness and we stopped in town for 15 mins to grab supplies before we continued on to Ullapool. I would have loved to have seen more of Inverness, it certainly looked very pretty (what little I saw of it) but we didn't have the time. But at least I know that it is somewhere I want to go back to when I have a little more time.

We hopped back onto the bus and headed to the hospital to drop Amy off. There was only a gap of 2 hours in which Kenny was able to pick her up again. If she wasn't finished by then she would have to find her own way to the next stop.

Once Amy had been dropped off we headed to the site of the Battle of Culloden. We stopped and Kenny proceeded to detail the harrowing story of the defeat of 1200 Scots by the English army. The outcome may have been prevented if Bonnie Prince Charlie hadn't been such an arrogant and idiotic person who wanted to dictate how the Scots would fight, even though he had no military knowledge and picked the worst possible spot for the battle to occur (put the English at an advantage rather than the Scots) and would not listen to the Scottish leaders who had the tactical knowledge. Many innocent Scottish people were massacred after the battle on the orders of the Duke (Butcher) of Cumberland. The destruction of the Scottish army led to the Clearances where thousands of Scots were forced off their land and onto boats for the colonies and Scottish culture and language was banned for a long time to come.

It was a rather horrifying story and Kenny had us all on the edges of our seats right to the end.

After the story of the Battle of Culloden we continued on - in a rather more somber mood - to 3 stone cairns known as the Clava Cairns. They are bronze age structures (3,000-4,000 years old) that are 3 large, stone circles. No one really knows their true purpose, but there are certainly lots of theories. The ratio of the position of the 3 cairns is exactly the same as the position of the 3 pyramids at Giza, just on a smaller scale.

Kenny contacted Amy when we left the Clava Cairns and she was finished seeing the doctor so we were able to go back and pick her up.

We picked Amy up and then Kenny decided that instead of going to a service station we would have a bbq for lunch. So, the frisbee went around the bus and we all had to contribute 1 pound and then we stopped at a Tesco's to pick up supplies. We drove to a national park and headed down to sit by the river and have the bbq.

It was a lovely spot, sitting on rocks along the river.

When we left Kenny stopped so we could grab an ice-cream (really good ice-cream too).

Our next stop was at Corrieshalloch Gorge where there is an amazing waterfall with a suspension bridge that can only hold 6 people at a time. The bridge sways quite a lot and is not for those afraid of heights, but the view of the waterfall is definitely worth it.

After the Gorge we were heading for our final stop for the day, the town of Ullapool, which is a fishing village which apparently hasn't changed in 800 years.

We were obviously having to make up a bit of time to get to Ullapool because the driving got even more exciting than it had been before. As I've mentioned, Scotland is made up of narrow, windy roads and we were travelling along them at what seemed like a very fast speed and going round the corners in the middle of the road (obviously when there weren't cars coming in the opposite direction) so we didn't have to slow down. You guys know what I'm like, I was having great fun! Not everyone seemed to enjoy it as much - particularly the people at the back.

When we got to Ullapool we stopped to drop one person off at the hostel and then the rest of the bus continued on to a lovely pebbled beach further on so we could have a go at skipping stones. I managed to get one to skip twice, so I was happy.

We headed back into Ullapool to the hostel, which was right on the water. The hostel had a curfew of midnight, so there wasn't really a chance to have a big night.

I went for a walk with Jessica (Big Sis), a girl from America who was travelling with her sister Sara (Wee One), along the waterfront having a look at the shops. It was 8pm, but it was bright as day outside and most of the shops stayed open until at least 9 or 10.

We headed back to the hostel to pick up some people and then went back to have a look at the shops again. I bought Lachy a present at one of the shops, but I'm not going to say what it is, as it would spoil the surprise! (Am I making you curious, Lachy? Mwahahaha)

We headed to a local pub for dinner and then back to the hostel and bed. Although you feel like you're going to bed really early because it's still light at 10/11 o'clock! I'm not getting used to it. It seems weird.

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Day 3

We left Ullapool nice and early again. We were heading for the Isle of Skye. Kenny wanted to take us via the scenic route along the coastline rather than via the 'highways'. So, instead of the 1 hour it should take us, it would instead take us 3 hours. None of us were going to complain about that as it sounded fantastic, so we headed off.

Our first stop wasn't far from Ullapool at a beach called Gruinard Bay. It was a sand beach! I was so excited! Finally, sand! I know, I'm weird, but you just can't enjoy a pebble beach as much as you can a sand beach.

The water was freezing, but it was wonderful being able to sink your toes into the sand.

Kenny wanted to take us to a secluded beach - Little Gruinard Bay - which was further on, and could only be accessed by going over rocks! Half of the bus stayed behind on the first beach while the rest of us went onwards.

Now, when I say 'climbing over rocks' I mean climbing, not walking. Half the time we were wading up to our knees (or at least for the girls up to our knees, the guys weren't so bad off) and the rest climbing barefoot over slippery, pointy rocks. It was great fun, but exhausting and I knew my feet were not going to like me later. We finally reached the gorgeous little bay that was completely bare of footprints and was definitely worth the tough going. Kenny and some people decided to continue on to the next bay along, but some of us decided to just stop at this bay and enjoy the peace and quiet. It was really rather lovely. It was a warm day and it was so peaceful.

We sat around for a while and then Amy and I decided to head back to the main beach. Going back was a bit harder then it had been coming over, as the large rocks we'd climbed up we now had to attempt to climb back down which is often more precarious. Amy seems to be half mountain goat - I would be looking down to figure out which way to go and she would suddenly be 5 rocks ahead and showing no sign that she was having any trouble! Luckily she helped me find the best way through, which was a big help. In the time we'd spent at the little bay, the tide had gone out quite a long way so we didn't have quite as many rocks to climb over so we could walk back along the beach for quite a lot of the way.

We joined everyone else back on the beach and sat around enjoying the sun and the sand and waiting for Kenny and the others to get back.

I reckon we ended up spending a good 2 hours on the beach. I think it may have shot our 'schedule' slightly to hell, but I don't think anyone really cared.

We travelled a bit further along and then stopped at another beach to play a bit of frisbee!

Because we were running so far behind we only had a very quick lunch stop, enough time to grab a sandwich and back onto the bus.

We ended up having more people late for the bus again during the day and this time they had to do a lap around the bus as hairy coos and then a lap as kangaroos. It was highly entertaining (particularly as it wasn't me).

Kenny pointed out where he'd been 'made' as we drove along - something that we all really wanted to know!

We got to listen to lots of bagpipe music as we approached Skye.

Before we crossed over the bridge to Skye we stopped to take a photo Eilean Donan Castle, which is on a tiny little island connected to the mainland by a stone bridge.

We crossed over to Skye on the Skye Bridge. There used to be a toll to cross the bridge, and it was the most expensive toll in the UK. It cost 10 pounds to cross one way. The locals got so annoyed that they would either refuse to pay or would pay the toll all in pennys. It was only a year or so ago that the government scrapped the toll on the bridge.

Kenny grew up on the Isle of Skye and he told us a story about when he was younger his father liked to go to a pub on the mainland, but didn't want to pay the toll, so he would make Kenny row him across and then wait until he was ready to go back.

We crossed over the Skye Bridge and encountered Skye's only official roundabout. Just to emphasise how unique it is, Kenny decided to drive around and around and around and around the roundabout, going faster each time! It reminded me so much of when Dad would do that when we were kids just to torment us!

We didn't head straight to the hostel, instead we headed to a glen between the Black Cuillin moutain range and the Red Cuillin mountain range. We walked to a stream in the glen and then sat and listened as Kenny told us about the history of this stream. The two main clans on the Isle of Skye were The McLeods and the McDonalds, who were constantly fighting. A McLeod, son of the chief, was due to marry and wished to choose a beautiful McDonald girl. He went to have a look at her and was caught by some McDonalds who beat him up. He raced back and found some McLeods and when he told them what had happened to him they all headed back to where the McDonalds were and eventually set fire to a cave that they were hiding in and killed a large number of McDonalds. In retaliation some McDonalds attacked the McLeods and set fire to their church when people were inside and all but one died. One girl managed to escape, but one of her breasts was cut off as she squeezed her way out of the church.

Obviously, the chiefs of the two clans thought that a marriage would be a good idea in the hope that it would stop the fighting and so it was arranged.

10 days before the wedding was due to take place the girl, Fiona McDonald, slipped and scraped her whole face, covering it in welts and scabs and disfiguring her. She went to tell her soon to be husband and he freaked out and thought that she had been scarred on purpose by her clan who didn't want him to marry a beautiful McDonald. Before she could contradict him he sent her back on her horse and declared that instead of a wedding a battle would happen where the wedding was due to take place and on the same day. So, the families that were getting ready for the wedding suddenly had to get ready for battle and prepare to lose lots of loved ones. Fiona was distraught and on the day the wedding was supposed to take place was down at the river praying and she dipped her face into the water and like magic all of the scabs disappeared and her face was as good as new. So, she raced to the battlefield to stop the fight. She got there and her husband-to-be recognised her and it all switched back and the wedding was going to happen immediately!

So, that is the condensed version. The Kenny version was a lot better. It felt a bit like 'storytime' in somewhere like the Theatre Gardens with all of us sitting around on rocks while the storyteller stood before us. It was great fun.

Of course, to make it more interesting Kenny insisted that we all dip our faces into the river as well. It was helped along by the threat that those who didn't would be allowed back onto the bus and would have to walk the 20miles back to the hostel. So, of course we did. It was a bit of fun and rather refreshing at the end of a long day.

Kenny also told us about a particular competition that is held on Skye every year. It is a competition to see who can scale and descend a mountain the fastest. It's made a little more difficult in that the mountain surface is loose gravel which makes footing very difficult and you can slide the whole way back down. The mountain was near to the river we had been sitting at. A friend of Kenny's holds the current record.

The common drink on Skye is a Rusty Nail which is whisky and Drambuie (as Drambuie was made on Skye - the recipe was gifted to the people of Skye for helping Bonnie Prince Charlie escape back to France). Kenny decided that we all had to try it, but in the interest of saving us all money, would buy a bottle of each and we would make them ourselves. So, once again the frisbee went around to take up a collection.

We checked into the hostel and had dinner and then our shot. Not the most pleasant thing I've ever had, but it warms you up really fast.

The plan was to then head up to a ruined castle, called Castle Moil, to have a quick look and then head back down for drinks at the pub and to listen to the band that was playing that night.

It sounded like fun, so we all headed off. I'd assumed there would be a path up to this castle, turned out I was wrong. Instead there were yet more rocks around a bay that had to be climbed over to reach the base of the hill and then climb up the hill to reach the castle.

I was more than a little annoyed. I'd gotten changed before dinner (as most of us had) and had put on my black slip-on shoes that of course have absolutely no grip on them. If I'd known that we were going to be going over more rocks I would have worn my joggers. I wasn't going to go across as my legs and feet were already sore from the climbing over rocks at the beach earlier in the day, but I was encouraged (forced) to continue onwards. I had to take my shoes off and carry them and go barefoot over the rocks so I had more grip. Problem was that sore feet tend not to like pointy, slippery rocks. I made it, but I was not a happy camper when I got to the castle, particularly as I knew we'd have to go back the same way.

Up at the castle we sat around and listened to Kenny tell us about the castle. Apparently a viking princess known as Saucy Mary, who was married to the local chief, lived in the castle. From the top of the castle, over-looking the water, was a large chain strung between both sides of the stretch of water. Ships that wanted passage through had to pay a small fee and the chain was raised and they were allowed to pass. Kenny's version goes on to add that as thanks for paying the toll Saucy Mary would stand at the highest part of the castle and would flash her breasts at the sailors as they passed - how much of that is true I don't know!

After that a bottle of very cheap whisky was passed around and we got to listen to some French and Chinese songs from some of the people on the tour.

At this point it was getting pretty dark so we headed back. I wasn't looking forward to it, but oh well, had to be done. We'd hoped that the tide would have gone out far enough so that we would have been able to walk along the beach, but that wasn't the case. As we were going back I was standing on a rock and went to step off it and it moved under me, which of course caused me to slip and stack it. I landed awkwardly and pulled the quad muscles in both thighs. At that point I just thought 'stuff it' and waded the rest of the way back up to my knees in the water. My jeans were rolled up, but they were still soaked.

Once everyone was across we stopped so that the guys could compete at skipping stones across the water. Apparently each skip represents an 'inch'. In the end it was a draw between Big Yin and Allan (a friend of Kenny's who'd joined us to go to the castle).

We headed back to the hostel and I had been looking forward to listening to the band that was playing, but I was cold, very sore and completely soaked, so I went straight upstairs and hopped into the shower. The hot water was so lovely that I stayed in there for half an hour.

I went back to my room and wrote in my journal for a bit. I could hear the band (our room was directly above where they were playing) and they sounded really good. Amy came in a little while later, so we chatted and I made us each a chamomile tea and then I went to bed.

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Day 4

Another early start to the day.

I was very sore when I got up in the morning. I was fine when I was sitting or standing, but going from one to the other was not good, neither was kneeling. I had an interesting time trying to pack my bag to leave the hostel.

We were leaving Skye today and heading back to the mainland to Oban. We were taking the ferry back to the mainland, and that wasn't until 2pm, so Kenny wanted to show us more of Skye before we left.

We hopped onto the bus and headed off. Our first stop was to see some hairy coos. They are seriously gorgeous cows, and remind me of how Fudge looked with his long fringe. They are the same gold colour.

Kenny told us a story about the horns of the hairy coo. I won't tell you everything, suffice to say that apparently the horns of the hairy coo are a strong aphrodisiac and it is from them that Viagra is created (but the horns are much more potent), and if one is to touch the horns of the hairy coo...... I'm sure you get the picture. I don't think any of us really believed him, but some people still wanted to try to touch a hairy coo horn anyway. When he spotted some, we pulled over and a couple of people, including Big Yin and Amy, managed to get a touch.

Our next stop was Portree, where we grabbed a quick bite for breakfast (as who knew when our lunch break would be!).

We stopped at a stream fed by fresh spring water and we all jumped out and filled up our water bottles for the day. The water was lovely and icy cold.

The main target for our morning on Skye was what is known at the Giant's Teardrop (Old Man of Storr), which is a large teardrop shaped rock perched high up on a mountain. The plan was to hike up to the teardrop. Kenny had warned us that it was a 'ball-breaking' walk and our lovely spring water would be much called for on the hike up. Some people stayed behind in the bus. I knew my legs weren't going to make it, but I decided to see how far I could get. I made it to the first clearing (it was all steep, rocky and windy) and then turned back. I wasn't the only one. I came back with Bryonie and Janine (her nickname was 'Mum' as she was Bryonie's Mum) and we joined those who'd stayed behind on the bus. It was rather nice sitting on the bus enjoying the scenery. People slowly trickled back as they made it so far then turned around. Finally the remainder of the group who had gone all the way to the top came back. They looked very hot and sweaty!

We headed south to catch the ferry. We were racing a little bit, but we got there in time. We caught the ferry from Armadale on Skye to Mallaig on the mainland. The ferry ride was really nice and of course we had to stand outside and enjoy the breeze.

There was a lot of road works happening and Kenny decided that it would be fun to mess around with the road workers a bit, so whenever we passed some we'd have to bounce up and down in our seats. We got a few weird looks and some laughs.

Once back on the mainland we headed to the railway bridge that was used in Harry Potter for the flying car scene. We took some photos and then headed onwards.

Our next stop was a ruined castle. It was just a quick stop to take a few photos. About two-thirds of the bus got off to take photos and the rest of us stayed on while Kenny turned the bus around. To turn the bus around he had to go into a railway yard and we were in for a surprise when we got there. This railway yard is where the steam engine used in Harry Potter lives, but Kenny said that in the past 8 years he's only ever seen it there twice and so wasn't expecting to see it today. Turned out that by a fluke it was there, so those of us who had stayed on the bus hopped off to take some photos. There were men in the engine room and saw us all standing round, so they invited us up onto the train to have a look around the engine room (the engine was working at the time) which was seriously cool!

It was a bit of a fluke and most of the bus didn't get a chance to see it!

On the way to Oban we had to pass over a bridge and it turned out that Kenny's Grandfather was the civil engineer that designed the bridge, so as we drove over we were instructed that we had to ooh and aah very loudly or we would drive back and forward across it until we did it correctly! So, we did as we were told!

We stopped to take photos of a castle called Castle Stalker, which was used in a Monty Python movie.

We weren't far from Oban and Kenny was trying to think of what we should all do for dinner. In the end he came up with the idea of cooking a roast dinner at the hostel rather than going out.

We thought it sounded like a fabulous idea. To get this organised, we'd have to come up with jobs for people. So, names were written on pieces of paper and placed in the trusty frisbee which I had to hold for Kenny to draw the names from as he was driving. We had the Head Chef - Melanie, KP's - Kris, Skye, Shannon (grunt kitchen people who got to do all the chopping and peeling and basically be subservient to the head chef. You lot shut up right now, I know what you're saying about me in the kitchen!), Table Dressers - Hillary and Ally (Bambi) (responsible for picking flowers for the tables, setting out the cutlery, plates, glasses, water, etc), Cleaners - Bryonie and three others who I can't remember, Chef Hat Maker - think it was Tree, but can't remember, the Drinks Wench - Ann-Claire (the drinks wench had to fill everyone’s drinks during dinner. Ann-Claire is French and didn't understand entirely what she had been delegated, but on she really got into the spirit of it!), the Drinks Wench Boobmaker - Emmanuel (Kenny insisted that the drinks wench had to have obscenely large, fake breasts).

As the last name (Drinks Wench) was being drawn, I could see my name floating around in the frisbee and was hoping like anything that it wouldn't be my name that was drawn. I got lucky!

So, the frisbee went around again and we all put in 3 pounds, which bought beef and lamb, tons of veggies and even some cask wine.

When we arrived at the hostel the Head Chef and the KPs checked in first so they could get dinner started straight away. I didn't have a job, so Jessica and I wandered into Oban (looking for a supermarket which we never found, but apparently if we'd gone one extra block we would have found it!), along the water, which was rather nice and we popped into a Cathedral to have a look around.

When we got back dinner was nearly ready. I popped my head into the kitchen and the Head Chef was sporting a rather fetching newspaper hat and the KPs were wearing simple newspaper bandanas. Spotted the drinks wench soon after, and I have to say that Emmanuel did a great job on the fake books. They were huge and had pine needles sticking out a long way at the front.

The tables looked great. Hillary and Ally had managed to find (pinch) some really pretty flowers for the tables. The hostel was short of cutlery, so each table had to share knives and some people had spoons and some people had forks.

The food was amazing. We had roast beef, roast lamb, roast potatoes, tons of mashed potatoes, peas, carrots, broccoli and gravy. It was so delicious and everyone ended up having seconds. We had a lovely glass of cask wine (in water glasses) to accompany it.

It was great fun and we were all raving about the food. None of us had had a roast in so long and I think we were all craving a nice home-cooked meal.

After dinner we headed out to a pub for a few drinks as it was our last night on tour. It was so funny, the bartender had no idea how to make a vodka lemon lime. His version was vodka lemonade and midori! Hilarious. I wasn't complaining, I got 2 shots for the price of 1!

We managed to get some great photos before we headed back to the hostel.

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Day 5

We were able to sleep in a bit on the last morning. We didn't have to leave the hostel until 9:30! Wow, luxury.

On the way out of Oban we saw another castle from Monty Python. It was the one used as the 'AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH' castle.

We stopped at another fresh water spring and filled up our water bottles again with lovely spring water.

Our next stop was at the Secret Glen - which Rob Roy used to hide cattle he had stolen. The Secret Glen is named that because from a distance it doesn't look like it is very large, but once you get in, it goes down a long way. I think we really only stopped because there had been a crash further along the road and Kenny needed to figure out which route we were going to take. There was a piper playing in the parking area so we sat and listened for a while. It was a rather magnificent site - a bagpiper with a backdrop of stunning mountains behind him. The acoustics were amazing and I can imagine the sound of the pipes would have travelled for miles.

Kenny attempted to flag down a car to find out how the road was looking further ahead, but wasn't having much luck, so Amy and Ally gave it a go. It wasn't long before a car stopped! They found that the road had cleared and we could continue on our way.

We stopped for lunch a little further on at this gorgeous restaurant known as the Green Welly (from memory). All lovely home cooked food with a little gift shop.

After lunch we made a detour (we were rather used to them by this point) and stopped at the grave of Rob Roy. We all hopped off the bus and Kenny told us about Rob Roy and his family. There were some other tourists in the cemetery so they joined in and listened to Kenny talk.

We continued on and had a quick stop on a pebbled beach for 10-15 mins and someone got a kite out.

Earlier in the day Kenny had asked Ally (Bambi) to create a cover sheet for our tour in the Haggis scrapbook and then the book was to be passed around the bus for all of us to add a comment, so that had been circulating for most of the afternoon.

An email list also made its way around the bus for everyone to add their emails to so we can all keep in touch.

Hillary and Sara (Wee One) had organised a secret collection around the bus to collect money so that we could buy Kenny a bottle of whisky to say thank you for such a fantastic tour.

We had to make a brief stop to get petrol otherwise we wouldn't be making it back to Edinburgh.

When we stopped to get petrol, Hillary and Sara jumped off to grab a bottle of whisky from a store nearby and some lollies (as Kenny was always asking people for lollies).

When they presented the bottle of Whisky and the lollies to him he seemed genuinely surprised and touched that we had gone to the effort.

The drive into Edinburgh was very slow as the traffic was bad. Hillary had a train to catch at 6:50, so Kenny was determined to get her to the station on time. This led to some exciting driving once we were in Edinburgh. Being in a bus as it does a u-turn on a busy city road is always fun!

We made it to the train station in time. Quite a lot of people were heading straight out of Edinburgh, so quite a few people got off at the train station. It was a bit of a shame as we didn't get to say a proper goodbye to everyone, but I'm sure we can all keep in touch by email.

The tour ended soon after back at the Haggis office.

We said our goodbyes and headed off to our respective hostels.

Those of us left in Edinburgh had organised to meet at Belushi's bar later that evening for a couple of last drinks. So, I went to my hostel to check in. It turned out that they had overbooked, and had moved my to their sister backpacker hostel, which was across the road. I wasn't overly happy, because the one they had moved me to didn't have a brilliant rating and it wasn't one I'd wanted to stay at. Oh well, at least I had a roof over my head.

One of the guys on the tour, Dave, was staying in the same hostel as me, so we agreed to meet up at 9 to head to Belushi's bar.

He was meeting a friend he had met on another tour, so the three of us headed down to Belushi's for a few drinks. There weren't many people there and most people couldn't stay long as many had flights the next day.

Belushi's was really quiet so a small group of us headed out to find another pub. We finally found one, but I'd hit the wall, so I headed back to the hostel.

It was rather sad that it was all over. I'd had such an amazing time and all of the people were fantastic and Kenny made the tour absolutely awesome. You could see his love of history displayed in the amount of passion that went into the stories he told us throughout the journey.

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There was some fun random stuff that happened on the tour that I can remember happening, but can't remember when.

One day Kenny was wanting to listen to The Pogues and my Ipod was the only Ipod that had The Pogues, so my ipod was dubbed the best ipod because of that.

The bus had a DJ seat. Whoever was sitting in that seat had to control the ipods and the music that was being played. It was a tough seat. One person was banned from the seat because of poor music choice, and a fight broke out between two people wrestling over the ipod. It was a vicious job and not one I would have wanted. The audience was very fickle!

We had an hilarious story, I think it was on the first day of the tour, regarding the Stone of Destiny. The Stone of Destiny is a stone that originated in the Holy Land and was used in the coronation ceremony of Scottish Kings.

The official story goes that it was stolen by King Edward I of England in 1296 from Scone Abbey in Perth and used for the coronation of the English kings and queens since then. It was stolen for several months by Scottish students in 1950 before being returned. Then in 1996 a conservative MP arranged for the stone to be returned to Scotland to curry favour with the Scots. Didn't work as it was returned to Edinburgh rather than Perth and every conservative was subsequently voted out of office.

The story that Kenny told us is slightly different.

According to legend (and many people believe this story to be true), the monks in the Abbey knew of the plot to steal the Stone of Destiny and so hid the real stone and put their cess-pit cover in the place of the stone. Then when Edward I thought he'd stolen the Stone of Destiny he'd really stolen the monks cess-pit lid, and then over the years the English monarchs have been crowned on the monks cess-pit lid thinking it was the Stone of Destiny.

Then in 1950 some Scottish students - while drunk, of course - decided to break into Westminster Abbey (where it was housed) and steal it back. So, they stole it and headed back to Scotland with it. But, being drunk, one of them dropped it and it smashed into several pieces.

Obviously they were freaking out thinking they'd broken the stone of destiny. Luckily one of the father's was a stone mason, and managed to repair the stone, but the student's decided to insert a passage from the Declaration of Arbroath into the stone before it was repaired so it would be there as subversive propaganda: "for, as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, never will we on any conditions be brought under English rule. It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom -- for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself."

MI-5 had been put on the case but hadn't been able to locate the stone and it was becoming a bit of an embarrassment, so they announced that as long as the stone was returned no charges would be brought against anyone. So, the students secretly returned the stone to a church and it was taken back to England.

Then in the 1990s people were starting to ask questions about the origins of the Stone of Destiny. It was arranged to be returned to Scotland, but the English stuffed it up and returned it to Edinburgh instead of Perth which pissed off the people of Perth which in turn pissed off the people of Edinburgh because they were getting shit for something they hadn't done. Now the 'Stone of Destiny' sits in Edinburgh Castle with the Scottish Crown Jewels.

Apparently the story goes that the real Stone of Destiny is still in hiding and that once Scotland has its independence the stone will be brought out of its hiding place.

Interesting tale. Who knows where the truth lies.

Another interesting thing that happened one day was that Kenny was talking about a particular structure and how it had been built using concrete which was invented by a Scotsman. I was thinking, excuse me, no it wasn't. He corrected himself and said 'concrete as we know it was invented by a Scotsman'. Then he said that his Jedi mind power was sensing some discontent on the bus, then he looked over at me and he had to admit that a Scotsman was not the one who had invented concrete! It was so silly.

A theme that seems to be popular in Scottish legends is that it always concerns a man and a woman who fall 'madly and passionately in love'. By the last day of the tour we could all pick that he was going to say it whenever he started a story! Bit of a running joke.

I was talking to someone on the bus one day during the tour (and I can't remember who it was, sorry) and we were discussing the differences between a Contiki tour and the Haggis tour. They had a rather lovely way of explaining it. They said 'A Contiki tour is all about the destination, where as this tour is all about the journey'.

I thought that was absolutely lovely and summed our trip up perfectly.